


Unprofessional

by VorpalGirl



Series: Demonology-verse [3]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Recursive Fanfiction - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Demonology, Demonology-verse, Demons, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Improbable Uses For Inanimate Objects, Inappropriate Behavior, M/M, Office Sex, Shinra, Succubi & Incubi, Zack Is a Chatterbox
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3140078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VorpalGirl/pseuds/VorpalGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth really, really wishes that Zack would just get to the damn point already.</p><p>(Humor, one-shot, set in the 'verse for Asreoninfusion's "Demonology" AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unprofessional

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AsreonInfusion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsreonInfusion/gifts), [TekkaWekka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TekkaWekka/gifts), [icynovas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icynovas/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Demonology](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2541128) by [AsreonInfusion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsreonInfusion/pseuds/AsreonInfusion). 
  * Inspired by [Hybridization](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828993) by [TekkaWekka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TekkaWekka/pseuds/TekkaWekka), [VorpalGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VorpalGirl/pseuds/VorpalGirl). 



> This is set in the world of Asreoninfusion's "Demonology" AU (see "Inspired by"). You should almost certainly read that story first — and not JUST so you'll understand this one better, either; consider this a rec! 
> 
> Regarding this one-shot, TekkaWekka came up with the "prompt" for lack of a better word, and we discussed it in chat, got amused, and then I was elected to write it up. A day's worth of writin', fussin' and cussin' later, and this was the result. Both Asreoninfusion and TekkaWekka really enjoyed it, so at Tekka's urging, I cross-posted it here (it was originally on my tumblr). 
> 
> I consider this to also be "inspired by" Tekka's "Hybridization" series that she's got going on, with Asreoninfusion's blessing, in the same 'verse. "Hybridization" is another one that both allows this to make more sense and is JUST REALLY GOOD OKAY so again — consider this a rec! :) 
> 
> Continuity-wise, this takes place after "Demonology" and sometime after the first part of "Hybridization".

 

 

Sephiroth sat rigidly in his chair, staring somewhat past Zack’s head. Zack was only here by necessity, of course — a reasonably important mission called for a debriefing, after all, even if things had gone well, and Lazard, damn his eyes, was too busy to do so himself at the moment.  That didn’t mean Sephiroth actually wanted to be there in his stead, though.  
  
Well, being in his _office_ wasn’t so bad. It was being forced to have a _meeting_ that was the problem. And Zack was possibly the _least_ brief of debriefers. No, Sephiroth thought tersely — not possibly; definitely. The King of Un-Brief Debriefs, the Debriefing Un-Briefer to end all...Un-Briefers? Urgh. “Brief” was starting to not even sound like a real word to him, though perhaps that was only understandable in the face of Zack’s endless tangents. “Damned chatterbox” would suffice, he supposed.  
  
“Hey...Seph. You okay?”   
  
He blinked, having not expected the question. He barely even registered that he was using a silly shorthand of his name that few would dare even attempt. That was relatively normal coming from Zack anyway. “Hn?”  
  
Zack frowned. “You seem a little distracted is all…”   
  
Sephiroth leveled his best sour look at him, and gathered a pile of papers, straightening them with a soft thwack on the desk as he glared him down. “That is not your concern, SOLDIER,” he said brusquely. “I believe you were reporting on casualties.”

“Um, right…”  
  
Zack continued, being overly-detailed as usual. Why the man couldn’t simply say, “there were a few casualties, but nothing serious,” or “there were some casualties due to faulty X, Y or Z”, Sephiroth would never know. Instead, he always seemed to prefer listing _every single casualty_ , by name if possible, and the exact details, often in disgustingly hyperbolic form.

The medics would want to know some of that, likely, in order to see who needed what treatments and who could go on what missions in the coming days, weeks and months, and certainly if anything had gone seriously _wrong_ , Shinra would want to know why in case it could be prevented by better planning or training in the future. But what was he, a damned Turk? Unless it was due to some new enemy learning to supplex from twenty feet away, he really didn’t need to know about Lt. Lombard’s back going out. And he _most_ certainly didn’t need to know about the blue streak he had cursed when it did.

Sephiroth found himself glancing at the clock more and more frequently. Zack kept going.  
  
He ran out of papers to straighten, or pens to place in the appropriate holder. _Zack kept going._  
  
He began to drum his fingers on the desk. Zack...frowned.

“Hey, Seph...are you _sure_ you’re okay?” Zack asked.

His fingers stilled. “Yes,” he said carefully. “Why do you ask?”

“Well. You’re fidgety, which is kinda weird? For you? But also, you look...constipated.”

At which point Cloud could apparently no longer maintain his silence, and promptly lost it, bursting into a fit of laughter.   
  
From beneath the desk.  
  
Zack's eyes widened.  
  
Sephiroth looked him straight in the eye and said:

“I am not constipated.”

Zack turned red, his mouth working up and down a bit before he spoke again. “D-damn it, Cloud! That's just...unprofessional!”

“Zack Fair has called me unprofessional. What _shall_ I do,” came Cloud’s muffled reply.

“Ignore him. As you were.”

This drew an inordinately pleased sound from under the desk, followed by a purred “Yes, _sir_.” Despite the layers of oak between them, Zack got the distinct impression Cloud was grinning, and sputtered.  
  
“Am I supposed to continue while he...continues?”

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow at him. “You could always be uncharacteristically efficient in your communication.”

Zack blinked. “...what?”

Zack couldn’t be sure but he thought he might have heard Cloud chuckle. “He means ‘spit it out already’.”

He shot a withering look at the desk. “Sorry? I don't think I'm the one that needs to worry about spitting right now —”

“Hey, I swallow,” Cloud noted.

He made a face. “Ew! Spiky! I didn't need to know that...”

“You are the one who rendered comment...”

Zack looked back up at his C.O. and, shaking off the more awkward thought, still couldn’t help but tilt his head a little and gape. “Seph!” he said. “I can't give a report to you while you're getting a blowjob!”  
  
“ _Now_ who's the unprofessional one?” This came from Cloud, and Sephiroth thought it was a bit amusing that Zack kept shooting Looks at the desk, considering Cloud couldn’t see them.

“Did you seriously just ask that?” Zack said. “Considering what you’re doing?”

At this, the blond finally popped his head above the edge of the desk, looking at him with far too much amusement and far too little embarrassment.  “ _Zack,_ ” he purred. “Are you seriously telling me that you can keep a cool head while being _shot_ at, but you can't be around someone _getting some_?”

“If I say 'yes' will you stop long enough for me to be debriefed?” Zack said, crossing his arms.

Sephiroth frowned a touch then. “You stopped.”  
  
Cloud grinned at him. “Mm,” he said, eyeing him. “Take it you were enjoying it?”  
  
“Very much so,” Sephiroth said, shooting a glance at Zack.

Who rolled his eyes. “Shiva's _tits_ ,” he said. “Can I just come back later? Seriously. This is ridiculous.”

“Says the man who has a chocobo-based attack?” Cloud said, glancing over and grinning even harder.

“A very _effective_ chocobo-based attack,” Zack said, attempting and somewhat failing to hide the slight smile at that. “And I wouldn’t make fun of chocobos with hair like yours, Spiky. It’d be hypocritical.”

“Hn,” said Sephiroth, apparently unamused by both Zack’s teasing and the lack of Cloud’s. “I could order you to stay and finish the debriefing...”

Zack let out a laugh. “Okay, Sephiroth? That is a whole new level of pervy, right there.”

“Oh, you're so vanilla,” Cloud teased. He crawled out from under Sephiroth's desk and nuzzled the SOLDIER's cheek. “I'll quit so you can finish your debriefing in peace.”

Sephiroth gave a look that could probably have wilted a lemon, and it was largely directed at Zack.  
  
Zack was unfazed by this, having gotten plenty of dirty looks in his lifetime. “What?” he said, putting his hands on his hips. “Don’t blame _me_ ; _you’re_ the one who decided to get kinky while on the clock!”

“Which you would not have had to find out had you simply given the necessary information to _begin_ with, _in brief_.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know you had ‘better things’ to do?” Zack said, with an unnecessary eyebrow waggle. “Honestly, it’s your own fault. Anyway, what am I supposed to do, just let him blow you while giving _casualty lists_? That’s fucked up, man.”

“I do not need the entire novel-length story of every casualty Shinra has ever incurred,” Sephiroth replied dryly. “I merely needed to know how many resources needed to be allocated to deal with it, something I am perfectly capable of digesting while doing...other things.”  
  
Zack squinted at him, tilted his head again, and boggled.  “You seriously would have kept going, wouldn’t you?” he said.  
  
Sephiroth glared at him silently.

“In his defense,” Cloud noted. “I was already doing it before you got here, so…”  
  
“Oh, that makes it so much better,” Zack said, shooting a dry look at Sephiroth. “You could have just told me to come back later, you know. Since you were...” he waggled his eyebrows again, and even added air quotes. “... _‘busy’_.”   
  
“As you stated,” Sephiroth said, narrowing his eyes. “I am ‘on the clock’. I am perfectly capable of making efficient use of — ”  
  
Cloud sighed. "If you keep making a fuss, you'll just keep him even longer from finishing.”

“He has done the same to me,” Sephiroth said, and Zack couldn’t help but laugh at what could only be described as a faint _pout_ on his lips. This earned him another glare from the General.

“He’s right, you know,” Zack said, and grinned. “I mean, I can talk all day if you want, but —”  
  
“No thank you,” Sephiroth huffed. “Just…” he waved a hand. “Finish what you started, so that Cloud can do the same.”  
  
“Yeah, ‘cause _that_ thought’s not distracting at all…” Zack muttered.   
  
Cloud looked at Zack and smiled, slowly and knowingly. “ _Is_ it, now?” he purred. “How distracting _is_ it?”

Zack flushed again. “I — ”   
  
“ _The casualty list_ ,” Sephiroth said firmly.

“I, um, right…” Zack muttered. “Uh...who was I on, again?”  
  
“At least two non-lethal cases of friendly fire and a Lieutenant who threw his back out,” Sephiroth said dryly. He was giving him a pointed look.    
  
“Oh! Right,” Zack said. “Um...there were a couple of other friendly fire injuries, other than those I mean, on account of...the things were jumping around a lot, and, um…” he glanced at Cloud, whose smile was slowly sliding into a grin.  
  
“Were these other friendly fire injuries lethal?” Sephiroth said, glancing at Cloud in what was probably annoyance.   
  
“Huh? Oh! No, no they weren’t,” Zack said. “But a couple’a the infantry guys’ll be laid up for a while.”   
  
“Were there in fact _any_ lethal injuries?”   
  
“Um...no,” Zack said. “It came close a couple of times, but — ”  
  
“Were the number of casualties at all unusual given the situation and the number and expertise of the support troops?” Sephiroth said. Another pointed look.

“Probably not,” Zack admitted.  
  
“And the mission was successful despite the injuries incurred by some of the troops?”

“Yes,” Zack said. “We got the whole area cleared just fine — ”  
  
“Then I belief the debriefing is as complete as it needs to be,” Sephiroth said, adding: “I’m sure if there are any other concerns, they can be taken up with Director Lazard at a later. Time.”   
  
Zack looked at him, and a moment later said, “I...suppose so.”

“Then you are,” Sephiroth said firmly. “ _Dismissed._ ”

Zack raised an eyebrow, and then saluted. Without changing one bit of his expression. “Yessir,” he said. “And since you’re soooo ‘ _busy'_ — ”  
  
“Zack,” Sephiroth said.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m goin’, I’m goin’,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Hey Spiky, I take it you’re gonna be full of energy tonight. Wanna hit a bar down under the Plate later? Like around 18:00-ish?”   
  
Cloud grinned. “Sure!”  
  
Sephiroth blinked, and looked from one to the other. He squinted at Zack, who just grinned at him. “Hey,” he teased. “I didn’t say _you_ weren’t invited.”   
  
Sephiroth blinked again, though for a rather different reason.  “You...are inviting me out,” he said slowly.    
  
“Yep! Sure am! Both of ya, if you wanna come.”   
  
“That…” Sephiroth found some of his wrath subsiding, if only out of astonishment. He thought about it for a moment. It had certainly been a while since he had engaged in anything close to such a normal activity. He found himself feeling both slightly nervous and surprisingly pleased at the invitation, actually. Most would think it meant very little, such an ordinary after-work activity, something as simple as a beer alongside coworkers. But to one who had hardly ever had such casual interactions, it felt a bit...touching, really. And if Cloud were there…  
  
“I...will consider it,” he said finally.

Zack grinned. “Cool! Gimme a call when you’re ready to head out, ‘kay?” he said, and left, humming happily to himself.

Cloud settled into Sephiroth’s lap a moment later, pressing smiling lips against his cheek. “See? That wasn’t so hard,” he murmured.   
  
Sephiroth chuckled. “I, however, still am.”  
  
He felt Cloud’s lips slide into a grin as he said, “Mm, perhaps I should do something about that.”  
  
“Mm,” he replied, “Perhaps you should.” He then very, very carefully, picked up Masamune...and used it to close the door. Which Zack had rather thoughtlessly left open, the brat.  
  
Sometimes having a roomy office was more trouble than it was worth, but having the world’s longest blade at his fingertips had its uses.   
  
“Lazard’s gonna be annoyed about the scratch marks on that door,” Cloud teased.

“I frankly could not care less about anyone but _you_ right now,” Sephiroth purred. “Now, where were we?”

Cloud grinned. “Well, I know where _I_ was…” he said, and promptly ducked back below the desk.


End file.
